Joy Comes in the Morning

God has been teaching me a lot about grace in 2020. That’s what I thought this post was going to be about and maybe, it still will be. But…as I sat down to write this post, the following words came out…

Grace.

Grace.

race.

Me: Race? A typo perhaps, Lord?

Also me: Surely you aren’t asking ME to speak about this…NOW.

God: Why not? You said you’d write about whatever I told you to write about.

Me: Yeeeeesssssss, but what value could I possibly add to this subject? I’m white and and soft-spoken and I don’t know anything firsthand about racism or prejudice. Why would someone care what I think about this or worse yet, what if I hurt someone’s feelings or someone misunderstands what You want me to say?

God: Do you trust me?

Me:…Yeeeessss

God: Really?

Me: Yes, but aren’t enough people, the ‘right’ people, powerful, well-spoken and educated people talking about this and making changes and doing things to make a difference?Wouldn’t I just be a pitiful, embarrassingly ignorant voice speaking about something that I can’t understand or empathize with? Words just don’t feel like enough. My words don’t feel like they’re enough.

God: They’re enough for someone. Someone needs to hear you say this. Besides, these are My words anyway.

And He’s been pouring out His words to me for almost 3 weeks now. Adding. Subtracting. Subtracting some more and so on. It’s been a process. And I think this will continue to be a process and that’s the point.

For those of you who don’t know…

I have 4 black uncles, one is now sadly deceased. Therefore, I have several black cousins and they have children and even one of their children has children.

I also have a brother-in-law who is a state highway patrolman.

Growing up, I don’t remember talking about race. At all. Maybe we did, but the examples and conversations of my parents and my family reinforced that it didn’t matter what color your skin was or your ethnicity because you should treat people how you want to be treated. You should love your neighbor as yourself. So I have. To the best of my ability.

I would want someone to smile and wave at me, so, I smile and wave at others. I would want someone to hold the door open for me, so, I hold the door open for others. I would want someone to be patient and gracious with me during troublesome times, so this year especially, I have been pausing and not jumping to assumptions or conclusions, but I’ve been thinking about things a little longer. Giving God my frustrations and questions and allowing His Holy Spirit to weed through all the thoughts and feelings I’ve been having this year and convict and change me accordingly.

The only outright racist thing that has ever happened in front of me was in high school. One of my good friends told a racist joke in front of me and a group of people.

I didn’t laugh. I told her that I have black family members and that it was a hurtful thing to say. We didn’t hang out much after that.

So, what I thought was a post about grace now also includes the conversation about race. How do they fit together with what God’s been teaching ME this year? I’m not sure yet, but I trust that God will reveal it in words and ways that only He can.

I’ve noticed that the word grace is used a lot in Christianity. But is it overused? Are we throwing that word around willy nilly? And what does it really mean anyway? Practically speaking, like, in everyday life.

We hear things like: The unmerited favor of God. His grace is enough for me.

But what does unmerited mean? And I thought God doesn’t show favoritism? Talk to me like I’m five, ok?

Unmerited: not deserved.

Favor: approval, support or liking for someone or something. Also, an act of kindness beyond what is due or usual.

So, grace is really an undeserved act of kindness. And in the Christian context, it was given through the death of Jesus Christ on the cross, which has brought mankind the opportunity for eternal salvation from our sins. So, in everyday circumstances, grace is simply showing support or kindness not based on something that has been earned, but based on choice. Motivated, I think, by the recognition of humanity and our need for love. The humanity Christ experienced before His death on the cross that still allows Him to have compassion on us in our weaknesses and the love He had for us while we were still sinners that lead Him to that death. That kind of grace. The kind of grace in 2020 that I’ve learned says,” I see you, human. I hope you see me. I’ll be kind to you and I hope you’ll be kind to me. I see that you’re not perfect and I hope you see the same in me. I see that you’re hurting and I hope you see me hurting too. I’m going to give grace to you and I hope you’ll give grace to me.”

But what does this have to do with me and my life and why has God brought the gift of grace to my mind so much this year?

Well, because 2020.

And if you read my last blog post, I gave a little insight into how crazy last year was for me as well.

Truthfully, this whole awareness and searching for more understanding of grace all started back in March of this year. When everything and everyone was shutting down and going crazy.

I was alone.

I wasn’t alone alone, but Eric had moved to Indiana and started working. I CHOSE to stay in Alabama and finish serving my clients and close my business at the end of April, when he’d return and we’d move back to Indiana. So we planned on being apart for almost 2 full months. Unfortunately, I only worked a couple of weeks before we were forced to close by the state. So there I was, not working and I wasn’t able to be with my husband when everyone was freaking out. I’m not afraid to be by myself, I actually enjoy being alone, but seeing my friends get to be with their families and do things with them made me jealous and sad. Ugh. That is some gross, embarrassing truth right there. And the thing that bothered me most was that I wasn’t hearing from them. I felt forgotten. Unimportant. I felt like I was missing out. There were too many emotional situations happening at one time for me to have a healthy perspective at the time. How selfish was I being in a global crisis? God rebuked me for my pity partyness and thus began this grace journey. Being happy for my friends and the opportunities they were given. Supporting their businesses and ministries when I could. Praying for them. Reaching out to them. And not jumping to the conclusion that they were selfish, forgetful and didn’t care about me.

Grace.

Choosing to be kind to others despite what they’re doing or not doing or how YOU are feeling.

Since then, I’ve limited my social media intake and posting participation. However, the limited content I have allowed myself to see from friends and family has put a lot on my mind and my heart. I hope you don’t mistake or assume that my silence means I don’t care about racism and the damaging affects it has on the people that suffer because of it. Or the virus that has affected my family and friends and their jobs. I’ve chosen to remain quiet and wait on the Lord to respond so that my words are totally the Lord’s. This is just what the Lord has been showing ME in my walk with Him. This is not my plan to change anyone’s mind or heart. I leave that to God.

First of all, waiting is uncomfortable, isn’t it? We want what we want now. We want affirmation, understanding, support, encouragement, peace, change, justice, fill in the blank and when we don’t get it right away, we get discouraged, assumptive and angry, which, anger, if left for too long, turns to bitterness. I know bitterness too well unfortunately. It is a terrible tool of the enemy that poisons the mind and hardens the heart.  We don’t want to be bitter, friends. Good news though: God is good with the waiting business. Take these 3 men who waited on the Lord: Noah, Abraham, Jacob…their stories alone will test even the most patient person. But just because we wait, doesn’t mean that work isn’t being done. It doesn’t mean that thoughts and ideas and behaviors aren’t being changed. After all, isn’t inward change what will accomplish the most change in our world? Jesus Christ is the only One that will have a complete and lasting inward change in our lives and thus, the world. You really are choosing to change when you accept His invitation to be Lord of your life. Have you chosen Him? Will you choose Him? Will you let Him change you? If you have, you know this is a daily changing. It’s choosing daily to submit to Him. It’s going to take time. Complete change may happen overnight in some areas of your life, but overall, the refining of the important things, takes time.

I’ve seen stories and comments lately from people that I know personally or know fairly well. People that grew up with racist parents or have seen discrimination in their workplaces. You really never know what someone has been through or how someone was raised, so you shouldn’t assume anything or think you know the whole story of someone’s life based on what they share on the Internet.  And I think now more than ever, asking questions to listen are a good thing. Supporting each other’s businesses and ministries is a good thing. Sharing our beliefs with love is a good thing. Having hard conversations with humility is a good thing. But remember: grace.

Murder is wrong. Stealing is wrong. Abuse of power is wrong. Hatred is murder. Racism is evil. We have so much to agree on. Let’s not get distracted or offended by the small things that we forget about the bigger picture: the saving power of the Gospel lived out through our daily lives. People are watching. Actions may speak louder than words, but they still go hand in hand. We need to remember we are either pointing people to Jesus or pushing them farther away.

I rarely speak about things that I am not educated about or haven’t personally experienced. I think that’s just wise. Wouldn’t you agree? I hope so. Speaking the truth? That is always wise. Now that, you may disagree with.

Truth is truth.

It’s objective.

Truth is greater than reality…

if we allow it to be. This is hard to see or believe sometimes. Trust me, I’ve been there. But truth, real Godly truth, has pulled me out of my darkest realities. Realities I have lived in for years.FACT: But the more Godly truth we seek out, the more understanding we are given. And for me, this has brought wisdom, patience and peace.

Truth rises above our feelings and emotions.

This is hard. This has been hard to accept this year and last year, but it is true.

I am an emotional being. I’m learning to be comfortable with expressing ALL of my feelings and emotions in a healthy way of course. I’m also still learning to not let my feelings and emotions control ME. This is hard. Boy is this hard sometimes. But I’ve learned that feelings and emotions CHANGE. Imagine that. Sometimes we don’t think we’ll ever feel any different than we do right now, but we will. When I press into God’s Word, spend time praying to Him and singing songs of praise to Him, I DO change. I see things more clearly. More truthfully.

But God created us. He created our feelings and emotions. Why would God give us all these feelings and emotions? Doesn’t He know how much pain and trouble they cause sometimes? Of course He does. But He also gave them to His Son, who walked on this earth to be our way back to God because of our evilness and rebellion. Because of the choices we made to put ourselves before Him and everyone else. And doesn’t this show in our world right now? The things we are saying and doing to other people desperately in need of grace, of kindness. Jesus obeyed. He submitted to the Father and walked firmly to His death. That should have been our death. Our end.

Grace.

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Christ died for us all, but when are we going to die to ourselves? When are we going to wait on the Lord instead of rushing in with hatred, violence, opinions and assumptions? When are we going to yield to the words and actions HE wants to demonstrate through us? Are our first thoughts usually the best thoughts? I don’t think so. I know mine haven’t been. When we speak first or loudest, does that mean we are wisest or care the most? I don’t think so. Last summer, someone I love very much spoke such beautiful and encouraging words to me that I never thought I’d hear. I had no idea she felt this way. She spoke to me about how she felt about something I did 9 years ago. Her words brought so much joy to my soul. Maybe even more so after the wait. Why? Because in the waiting, the Lord was working on me and changed me. He grew me. He allowed the death of so many things in my life and my heart that it gave me the wisdom and perspective to encourage and pour wisdom into her when she needed it. Of course, it would have been nice to hear those words 9 years ago, but the message was still the same. Love. Support. Admiration. Humility. Grace.

I recently did a Bible study in the book of Colossians and one of the verses that stood out the most to me was Colossians 4:5,6

“Be wise in the way you act towards outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”

Now, the word outsiders here means non-Christians, but how important is this application for everyone we encounter? And I find it very interesting that grace is mentioned before salt. Be full of grace, with truth, in your conversations. Your approach, despite containing the truth, matters a great deal. Truth and kindness go hand in hand.

I’ve thought a lot of thoughts over the past few months and weeks, but overall, God’s been saying,

“Wait. There’s more here.”

More what?

More than what I see or know? Definitely. More to be worked on in me? Absolutely. More for me to learn about God, myself and others? ALWAYS. There may be nothing new under the sun, but under the Son, there is always something new He is working on in us.

God’s been purging my heart and mind this year of judgmental and proud thoughts and refining them in His holy fire. A thought will come up in my mind and immediately my flesh will bristle up and a slight hardness comes over my heart. The Holy Spirit comes in quietly and calmly and uncurls my prideful fist and says, “No, that’s not the way it is. You can let go of that feeling, emotion, thought, etc.” And then a wisdom reveals itself that softens my heart and gives me a peace that’s allowed me to extend grace to others. It’s truly a miracle. Such a strong intense emotion that disappears with God’s wisdom. We have to give these things to Him. We have to be willing to be changed. We have to let His voice be the loudest in our lives. And this only happens when we spend more time with Him and choose to spend less time consuming and being consumed by other things. When I spend less time with God, I find myself thinking and speaking more like the world.

This verse came to mind, but when I read the entire chapter, it blew me away.

Proverbs 15: 1

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

How many unkind words have been said this year because of the virus and in the past few weeks because of George Floyd’s death?

Let’s read the whole chapter. It’s worth it.

² The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge,
    but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.

³ The eyes of the Lord are everywhere,
    keeping watch on the wicked and the good.

⁴ The soothing tongue is a tree of life,
    but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

⁵ A fool spurns a parent’s discipline,
    but whoever heeds correction shows prudence.

⁶ The house of the righteous contains great treasure,
    but the income of the wicked brings ruin.

⁷ The lips of the wise spread knowledge,
    but the hearts of fools are not upright.

⁸ The Lord detests the sacrifice of the wicked,
    but the prayer of the upright pleases him.

⁹ The Lord detests the way of the wicked,
    but he loves those who pursue righteousness.

¹⁰ Stern discipline awaits anyone who leaves the path;
    the one who hates correction will die.

¹¹ Death and Destruction lie open before the Lord—
    how much more do human hearts!

¹² Mockers resent correction,
    so they avoid the wise.

¹³ A happy heart makes the face cheerful,
    but heartache crushes the spirit.

¹⁴ The discerning heart seeks knowledge,
    but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly.

¹⁵ All the days of the oppressed are wretched,
    but the cheerful heart has a continual feast.

¹⁶ Better a little with the fear of the Lord
    than great wealth with turmoil.

¹⁷ Better a small serving of vegetables with love
    than a fattened calf with hatred.

¹⁸ A hot-tempered person stirs up conflict,
    but the one who is patient calms a quarrel.

¹⁹ The way of the sluggard is blocked with thorns,
    but the path of the upright is a highway.

²⁰ A wise son brings joy to his father,
    but a foolish man despises his mother.

²¹ Folly brings joy to one who has no sense,
    but whoever has understanding keeps a straight course.

²² Plans fail for lack of counsel,
    but with many advisers they succeed.

²³ A person finds joy in giving an apt reply—
    and how good is a timely word!

²⁴ The path of life leads upward for the prudent
    to keep them from going down to the realm of the dead.

²⁵ The Lord tears down the house of the proud,
    but he sets the widow’s boundary stones in place.

²⁶ The Lord detests the thoughts of the wicked,
    but gracious words are pure in his sight.

²⁷ The greedy bring ruin to their households,
    but the one who hates bribes will live.

²⁸ The heart of the righteous weighs its answers,
    but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil.

²⁹ The Lord is far from the wicked,
    but he hears the prayer of the righteous.

³⁰ Light in a messenger’s eyes brings joy to the heart,
    and good news gives health to the bones.

³¹ Whoever heeds life-giving correction
    will be at home among the wise.

³² Those who disregard discipline despise themselves,
    but the one who heeds correction gains understanding.

Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever highlighted a passage so much in my life.

That last line though: humility before honor.

Wow.

Humility before everything. Humility before each other and humility before our Creator. Humility before grace.

I think that’s it. That’s what I’ve learned from these things so far.

I need to humble myself. And I need to spend more time with God because He changes me when I do. And if this year has taught me anything, it’s that I need to change!

In these times, I must continue to fear the Lord. Keep Him first in my life. Obey His commands for me and my life and continue to walk in the truth of who I am and who He is making me to be like: His Son. The changes He is making in me are lasting and not just for my good, but for the good of everyone I come into contact with. And the more I allow Him to change me, the more I am humbled. And humility ushers in the opportunity for understanding, extending grace and for loving people better.

Will you humble yourself with me?

2 Chronicles 7:14

“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”