Joy Comes in the Morning

Hello.

I think this has been one of the hardest posts I’ve written. Or started to write.

It’s been 3 years since I’ve written about and shared what’s going on in my life.

That’s so crazy.

The last 3 years have gone by so fast and so much has happened. Good things. Not so good things. Terrible things. And scary things.

Depression. Anxiety. Therapy. Surgery and care taking. An advanced cancer diagnosis for my mom. More surgery. Separation. More therapy.

And now?

I think my life is finally turning a corner and things are starting to change. I’m starting to change. I’m ready for change.

It’s been a very difficult few years where I felt like God was silent and wasn’t speaking to me. That’s such a hard thing to say.

Can’t He speak through His Word? I was reading It.

Can’t He speak to me through worship through His Spirit? I was singing and listening to worship songs.

What about prayer? I spoke with Him all the time.

What about church and gathering with the body? I was there.

But I wasn’t really there. And I wasn’t really worshipping. Or listening. Or looking for Him.

I was so overwhelmed and distracted and confused by where I was that I took my eyes off of Whose I was.

I know that God is the Initiator in this relationship.

Romans 5:8 “But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Ephesians 2:8 “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God…”

I’m so glad that I’m hearing Him again. I hope that He will be glorified in what He allows me to share, whenever He wants me to share it. Just like old times. It’s been so hard to just leave this space blank and not say anything. But this place is for God’s words, not mine. And although I felt like I had a lot to say, it wouldn’t have been from Him.

Until this past week. He said, “It’s time. And I want you to talk about this….”

Enter this plant.

For some context…over the last several years, I’ve become a plant person. It’s been fun. I’m no expert, but I think I’ve managed to keep most of them alive. Except for those few succulents in the beginning that I waaaaayyyyy overwatered.

I bought it on a whim, like all good plant people, with a friend well over a year ago. I liked it, but didn’t really need another plant and had no idea where I was going to put it, but again, like a good plant person, it came home with me.

This plant has been one of the most complicated plants I’ve owned. It’s considered a tropical plant, so getting just the right ratio of soil ingredients, water, humidity and lighting was proving to be difficult. More difficult than I had the energy or time for.

I kept looking at this plant over the last year and I felt like a failure. It was so beautiful in the beginning and then in the everyday details of life, it was struggling to survive and thrive. I was struggling to survive and thrive. It made me a little mad, honestly.

I’ve cut this plant back at least 3 times to a stick and even just this last time, a few weeks ago, I put it in the kitchen to throw away and put something else in the pot.

But God.

That’s when I actually looked up what it was and discovered its name. Maranta leuconeura. Or more commonly known as the…

Prayer plant.

Really, Lord?

Have I been struggling and my plant been struggling because of my prayer life? Or very shallow prayer life? I know I haven’t been bringing my deepest concerns to You like I used to. I’m sorry. I know You still want to hear from me, no matter what. And He wants to hear from you too.

So, I’ve decided (with some much-needed prompting from the Holy Spirit) that my focus this year needs to be on prayer. So, pray for me (and my prayer plant) and I’ll pray for you.

The day I decided to do this, someone reached out to me and asked if I would join her in fervent prayer for a family member. Isn’t God like that? You said you would do it, so here’s your first assignment!

And since then, I’ve been made aware to pray fervently for someone else as well.

Things are changing. Things are happening. I am so ready.

I also think the Holy Spirit used this book, that I started last year, but never finished, to help me. If you haven’t read it, you really should!

Also, because it’s the beginning of the year, I was going to buy a new devotional, but instead I went shopping in my own library, an amusing and joyful benefit of my book buying hobby. It prompts you every day with a different prayer topic.

What about you? What has God been showing you or prompting you to do lately? If you have a prayer request, please comment below or click on the contact page and fill out the form.

Thank you for reading. I’m excited to see what else God has to say.